Moral conundrums, part I
Feb 17th, 2007 by Nate
Today I take a trip to the local wood stove store to get some replacement parts for my wood stove in my living room. I go to the main counter, and ask for a replacement handle, a thermometer, and a rope gasket for the door. The girl says that I need to go to the parts counter for the handle, but while I do that she’ll get me my other stuff. So I saunter over to the parts counter on the other side of the store, and tell the guy I need a replacement handle for my wood stove door, because the wood on the handle is all burned off. He immediately tells me that they don’t have the part in stock, but he’ll check anyway.
After sifting through boxes for about a minute, he comes over with the exact handle I need, but without the cam that goes with it. Good enough, cause I can just use the old cam. So I ask the guy “Should I pay for this here, or pay for it up front.” The guy responds, “You know what, don’t worry about it, just take it. Mums the word.” And he turns around and goes back to whatever it was that he was doing. So I’m like all smiles, I pocket the part, and go back to the front desk.
When I get to the front desk to get my other stuff, the girl asks “Were you able to find the handle?”
OH NO!!!! What do I do?
–POOF– devil and angel appear on each shoulder:
Angel: You must always tell the truth! It’s the right thing to do, and if you don’t you’ll end up in hell!
Devil: Just lie, stupid. If you tell the truth, the nice guys gets in trouble. Besides, it’s like a 5 dollar part, you’re already buying like 50 bucks worth of stuff, who gives a shit. Idiot.
DEVIL WINS. I tell her, “Um, No”. She looks at me sorta funny? “Are you sure?” … “Um, yeah. No handle”. She’s like “That’s really weird, that’s a really common part”. I say “Yeah, not a big deal.”
She rings up my stuff, and I get the heck out of there. Which leaves with a whole pile of moral ambiguities:
1) Did I just shoplift?
2) Can I ever go back there again?
3) Did I make the right choice?
I think:
1) Maybe
2) NO
3) There was no right choice, so NO.
that reminds me of the time I went to go get a CT state park pass at one of the beaches. we get there, and they’re like $20 or whatever (to get in the park) and we’re like, yeah we want to buy a season pass, and there is literally infinite people waiting behind us in line. so the woman is like, um…. here, just go in for free and buy a pass when you leave (there’s like a building and parking spots on the exit side of the street, so it’s more convenient than just holding up the line). so we go in, hang out for the day, then I stop at the building on the way out so I can get our stupid pass. I go in and am like, yeah, I wanna buy a season pass and the guy is like, “ok…. ” then looks at me real odd for a few seconds and says in an awkward manner “….. did you pay to get in today….????”. Alarms go off in my head “OH MY GOD!!! WE BROKE THE RULES, WE’RE CLEARLY GOING TO JAIL…..WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!?! WHAT DO I DDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!?!?!?!?”. So I think quick I say “yeah”, figuring what trouble could I possibly get in, oh I paid and lost the receipt, prove I got in for free. Only……. I’ve completely misread the situation, the guy now wants to discount me for the entrance fee today, only he tells me “I need your receipt”. Now I really am braking the rules. Panic sets in. something goes on involving the receipt and my check book, I can’t remember what, but I’m like, “ok, let me go get my checkbook”, at which point I go outside, get in the car, start it, and the second I start the car the guy comes out wondering what the hell I’m doing, I pull the hell out and speed away as the guy walks towards my car. I then am paranoid for the next 3 months that cops are searching for me everywhere. Eventually the paranoia subsides and I buy another season pass without a mass of state police converging on me and dragging me away in hand cuffs. total relief. a couple days later I pass out while driving, totalling my car, along with my parking pass. F.U.C.K…M.E
As a kid, no one ever tells you how to handle situations like this. They should have this kind of material on the SAT or something. Better yet, this should be like one of those college general education requirement classes. I remember my GER classes being as stupid as this.
I think it all boils down to the age old paradox, “If you could go back in time to when hitler was a baby, would you kill hitler?”. Of course, if you kill hitler, that’s murder, which we’re told is immoral. But by killing hitler, you MIGHT save the lives of millions of people later, which is morally correct. Or worse, you like kill hitler of whatever, but instead of hitler you get like super-robo-hitler in his place, and he has machine guns for arms and he ends up killing like everyone, which is WICKED immoral. Or it’s fine, and everyone is secretly happy, and you’re really smart, and everyone is like “wow dude you totally killed baby hitler and saved the entire universe, but wait if you killed baby hitler then how would I know that hitler was bad to begin with” and everyone starts to melt just like in timecop.
Yeah the world completely sucks.